


perfect

by The_Eclectic_Bookworm



Series: lucky you’re the one i love [10]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 14:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19021591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eclectic_Bookworm/pseuds/The_Eclectic_Bookworm
Summary: “I’m not—good—at gentle.”





	perfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JackalopingIntoTheVoid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackalopingIntoTheVoid/gifts).



> as always, for jack!!
> 
> i've been thinking about this concept for a while now; i finally decided to FINALLY try and write it. it's some extreme self-indulgence but honestly so is most of what i write at this point so it's cool

Given that they’d been dancing around each other for over a year, Jenny honestly hadn’t expected Ripper to take things very fast when they _did_ kiss for the first time. But then again, she also hadn’t expected Ripper to be so _eager_ to kiss her, as though it had taken absolutely every bit of self-restraint he’d had to _not_ kiss her, and it was _really_ shining a new light on all those longing, pining looks he’d been sending her when he’d thought she wasn’t looking. She’d assumed he hadn’t consciously known about his feelings for her; she’d _never_ thought of him as the type to hold back.

But now he _was_ kissing her, kissing her and kissing her and pressing her back into the couch cushions, and it was as he was beginning to slide her shirt up and over her arms that Jenny gasped out, “Wait!”

Ripper stopped, hands resting on her now-bare waist, fingers rubbing quiet, reverent circles against her skin. Jenny felt breathless and unmoored in a way she _never_ had before. The way he was looking at her— “All right?” he asked, voice rough and low.

“Just—” Jenny placed her hands over his, sitting up and leaning back against the arm of the couch. She hesitated. “Um,” she said. “Can we—maybe take it a tiny bit slower? I’ve, I’ve never really—done this before.”

Ripper blinked. “Done…what?” he said, sounding suddenly very nervous.

Jenny hesitated. Then, uncomfortably, she said, “Pretty much anything besides kissing.”

Ripper stared.

“What?” said Jenny, feeling _horribly_ certain that she was blushing a humiliated shade of red. “Look, it—virginity is totally a social construct, Ripper, it never seemed like a big _deal,_ it’s just that the opportunity never really presented itself except in hypotheticals, and it wasn’t like I was _saving it_ or something I was just—”

Shakily, Ripper removed his hands from her waist. Without a word, he got up off the couch, stared at her with big, heartbroken puppy-dog eyes, and walked out the door.

That was pretty much the _last_ thing that Jenny had been expecting, especially after the _full two days_ Ripper had spent whispering _I love you_ and kissing her hair and _smothering_ her in affection. He’d made it _damn_ clear that she wasn’t someone he had _any_ interest in walking out on—and yet he’d done just that. But Jenny knew Ripper, and she knew that the smallest, strangest things had the propensity to shatter him. He was a guy who needed gentle touches, not blunt accusations, so she got up and followed him outside.

“Hey,” she said. “You okay?”

Ripper had shoved his hands into his pockets and was staring resolutely at his shoes. He stiffened when Jenny leaned against him. “Don’t—” He swallowed, then looked up at her, still with that helpless expression. “Jenny, I’m not—”

“Is this because you’re not into inexperienced chicks?” said Jenny, trying to smile.

“Don’t even fucking joke about that,” said Ripper, voice sharpening in the way it did every time Jenny made a self-deprecating joke. _My knight in shining armor,_ she thought, grinning, _ready to defend me even if I’m the one talking shit about myself._ “Don’t even—you’re the _best_ thing that’s ever happened to me, Jenny, I _love_ you, don’t you _ever_ think that’s not the case.”

“Well, I’ll _keep_ on thinking it if you don’t tell me why—”

Ripper reached out—stopped—shoved his hands back into his pockets, turning away from Jenny. Then he said, “Maybe you’re not _saving it up,_ maybe it _is_ a social construct, but the first time you do _anything_ is still always going to be something you remember. A-and I’m not—I shouldn’t be—you’re too—” He swallowed, turning to look at her; his eyes were wet. “You are too important for me to fuck up,” he said unsteadily. “Something as big as this is pretty much a recipe for me to fuck it up somehow. And I _can’t—_ Jenny, you’re so  _precious,_ I can’t possibly—you’re _trusting_ me in the _biggest_ way anyone ever has and I don’t think I—I don’t know if anyone’s ever—”

“Oh,” said Jenny very softly, and stood on tiptoe, cupping his face in one hand. Ripper turned his cheek into her palm, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and letting out a shuddering breath. “So what’s the concern?” she asked, keeping her voice gentle and careful. “That I’m not going to like it?”

Ripper shook his head. Uncomfortably, he said, “I’m not—good—at gentle.”

“That is _such_ bullshit!” Jenny burst out, forgetting _all_ about careful handling in her complete and utter indignance. “ _You?_ Not good at gentle? When Dawn’s hamster died you put together a _funeral_ and you played a _song on your guitar_ that you _composed_ for the _hamster!”_

“Janna, that’s _different—_ ”

“And _for the record,_ ” Jenny continued, “who the fuck says that I _wanted_ you to be gentle? Just because I’ve never had sex before, I’m all of a sudden some delicate maiden who needs to be touched _extra_ carefully so she doesn’t break? If anything, Ripper, that’s _you!”_

 _“Excuse_ me?”

“As a matter of _fact,_ ” said Jenny, “I don’t _care_ how gentle or rough or _whatever_ it is, because it’s going to be _you_ , and that is _really_ all that matters! So if you would _stop_ with the self-flagellation for a fucking _second_ and realize that I trust you because I _love_ you—”

“I loved Ethan and I didn’t trust him,” said Ripper, but his voice was wavering.

“Well, as it happens, _you_ are not a nutso chaos mage who regularly tries to make everyone else miserable!” Jenny countered fiercely, cupping Ripper’s face in her hands. “You are my lovable dumbass of a boyfriend, and _whatever_ goes down, it’s going to be _good,_ because I trust you enough to _tell you_ if it isn’t!”

Ripper stared at her, eyes wide and soft. “You are proper fucking terrifying when you put your mind to it,” he said, a small, trembling smile spreading across his face.

Jenny softened, and this time it _wasn’t_ intentional. Standing on tiptoe, she rubbed her nose against his, then kissed him very softly. Ripper sighed, falling quietly back against the wall, and all but melted into Jenny; she thought he might be crying, just a little bit. “It’s okay,” she whispered, pulling back. “Okay?”

“It really hasn’t been,” said Ripper, voice thick.

“But it _is now,_ ” said Jenny, and kissed him again.

* * *

Ripper was scared. More scared than he’d been in his entire life, probably, because Jenny Calendar was tiny and gentle and she was going to be _following his lead,_ which was something she had _never_ been willing to do before. But he trusted Jenny’s judgment—a fact that he had only now begun to admit to himself—and if Jenny thought he was worth giving this kind of love and trust to, then—then maybe he wouldn’t fuck things up too badly.

He kissed Jenny, and kissed her, and kissed her, and then he pulled back to look at her. “Are we still taking things slow?” he asked.

Jenny had gone from embarrassed-red to turned-on-pink; her eyes were alight. “I mean,” she said, “I only wanted to slow things down a _tiny_ bit just to tell you I might not be as good as some of the other people you’ve—”

“You’re perfect,” said Ripper reflexively, meaning it. “Whatever— _however_ this goes, it’s perfect for me, Jen.”

“ _See?”_ said Jenny.

Ripper played back his words, then winced. “I _am_ a fucking idiot,” he said.

“Mmm,” Jenny sighed. “Now tell me I’m always right about everything.”

Ripper grinned—he’d wanted to shoot for seductive, but it probably just came out as ridiculously soppy—and picked Jenny up, turning them so it was _her_ back against the wall. “You’re _always_ right about _everything_ ,” he said, pressing her into the wall, pushing aside the collar of her shirt to mouth at her neck.

Jenny made a breathless little noise that he hadn’t at _all_ known he was capable of getting her to make, hands tightening around his forearms. Ripper raised his head to kiss her, and she laughed, kissing him back. And abruptly, he really _was_ feeling like a fucking idiot, because this was the _simplest_ thing he’d done. He’d known her for so long, _loved_ her for so long—

Jenny tugged him through the door, back into his apartment, back onto the couch, pushing him down and straddling his lap. Ripper hesitated, hands hovering above the spot they’d been before—and Jenny pulled her shirt off before his worries had even had the chance to begin again.

“Direct action,” she said, and gave him an open-mouthed smile.

“You’re fucking ridiculous,” said Ripper, unable to stop himself from grinning back.


End file.
